at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
