Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
