Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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