Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
