They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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