cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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