im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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