ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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