So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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