I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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