I just cut my nipple shaving
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
