All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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