I accidentally had phone sex last night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
