My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
