If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Enjoy the penises
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
