Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
