a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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