I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
