We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
