The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
