So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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