Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.

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  (914): No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/14mn
  Replies (15) Good night (877) Bad night (6473)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  You're going home with him aren't you?

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house

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  (386): Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!" (1-386): You're going home with him aren't you? (386): I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house http://tfl.nu/c9az
  Replies (12) Good night (1246) Bad night (2872)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping

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  (978): everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping http://tfl.nu/lm3k
  Replies (12) Good night (4069) Bad night (906)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal

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  (412): I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal http://tfl.nu/ode2
  Replies (66) Good night (2169) Bad night (4488)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

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  (954): Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency. http://tfl.nu/gvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (5768) Bad night (924)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno

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  (727): We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno http://tfl.nu/ajny
  Replies (12) Good night (3841) Bad night (1003)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.

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  (202): He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like. http://tfl.nu/n0vb
  Replies (6) Good night (3103) Bad night (880)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

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  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1869) Bad night (8520)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?

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  (701): Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire? http://tfl.nu/pmju
  Replies (3) Good night (1405) Bad night (1938)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."

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  (864): You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor." http://tfl.nu/jk5x
  Replies (9) Good night (3230) Bad night (665)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.

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  (339): Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning. http://tfl.nu/1tmw
  Replies (0) Good night (276) Bad night (433)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.

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  (610): I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work. http://tfl.nu/9c2o
  Replies (1) Good night (310) Bad night (603)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?

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  (+44): Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today? http://tfl.nu/cfiq
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (534)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."

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  (505): Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you." http://tfl.nu/718r
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (510)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay

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  (402): why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay http://tfl.nu/d49s
  Replies (2) Good night (216) Bad night (620)

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