all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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