People in love make me want to vomit
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
