Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
