Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
