it's too hot outside to masturbate.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
