I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize