Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
