I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
