I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
