Do you still have your period?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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