i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
