But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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