8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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