We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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