yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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