I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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