yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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