let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
