i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
