He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
