toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it glows. i had to have it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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