When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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