i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
