I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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