I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
