Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
