If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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