some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
