He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
