I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
