this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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