Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't deserve a penis
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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