He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
