I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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