Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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