Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need water and some morals
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
