No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to sanitize my soul.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
