I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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