You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
