I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
