it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
