I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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