i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
