It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
