Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
