Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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