The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
