"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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