is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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