Jerry, you need to find god
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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