...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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